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<title>and when i'm awake i can't switch off by giuthehuman</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23826634">and when i'm awake i can't switch off</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/giuthehuman/pseuds/giuthehuman'>giuthehuman</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Critical Role (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Dreams, First Kiss, Fjorclay Week 2020, M/M, No Dialogue, Pining, Prompt Fill, set through episodes 72-88</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 16:49:24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>757</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23826634</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/giuthehuman/pseuds/giuthehuman</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After the forge, he stops dreaming of Uk’otoa.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Caduceus Clay/Fjord</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>43</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>and when i'm awake i can't switch off</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hey!!</p><p>i wasn't even planning on writing anything for fjorclay week cause i'm very busy with school stuff right now but y'know... inspiration is inspiration</p><p>it's kinda short but well... i wrote this on a whim in like, twenty minutes? maybe less? during a break from studying and it's not even proofread properly i'm sorry about this lol but i had to do it</p><p>well, hope you like it anyway!</p><p>(title is from saw you in a dream by the japanese house)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After the forge, he stops dreaming of Uk’otoa.</p><p>Fjord doesn’t recall the last time he rested so well, without fear of waking up breathless with saltwater up his throat. It’s weird, in a way — the voice, the all-consuming darkness, the cold, it all had been with him for so long he forgot how it felt to have dreams of his own. Well, not that he didn’t have dreams of his own sometimes, he probably did but he never <em>remembered</em> them.</p><p>Now he does.</p><p>He does and when he wakes up he can still feel the warmth and hear the rustle of leaves on the wind around him. He wakes up and he remembers exactly what he dreamt of and when he looks around first thing in the morning and sees Caduceus he immediately turns his eyes somewhere else, face heating up.</p><p>Caduceus’ hands on his chest, healing the wound caused by the falchion, the warmth of the forge surrounding them.</p><p>Caduceus’ hands on his chest, feeling his heartbeat as they kiss, warm sunlight encompassing them, soft grass under his hands as they hold the weight his body on each side of Caduceus’ face.</p><p>His gaze, calm and understanding despite the sleepiness his eyes hold after Fjord woke him up in the middle of the night, bleeding profusely after throwing his sword into the lava.</p><p>His gaze, soft and adoring despite the heaviness of his breaths, his lips red and shiny and cheeks dusted in a pink similar to his hair. His hand, brought up from Fjord’s chest to his face, warm as he caresses his cheekbone ever so softly with his thumb.</p><p>Fjord mumbles a <em>good morning, ‘Duceus</em> as he goes up to Beau for his morning training, not looking at him in fear he might see something — silly, because <em>of course</em> Caduceus sees it anyway. He’s Caduceus, after all.</p><p>It feels so <em>wrong,</em> ignoring him like this after what he’s done for him. But what else can he do when he can’t control the fluttering of his heartbeat or the sweat on his hands or the muddy, coppery brown on his cheeks? He must be mixing things up, he surely is; Caduceus is a friend, a guide, a mentor, maybe, not someone to have such dreams about.</p><p>He tries to convince himself the dreams don’t mean anything. It doesn’t work, yeah, he knows it won’t as soon as he has the idea — how can they not mean anything when every time Caduceus gives him his slow, soft smile his whole body tingles in a way it’s never done before? How can they not mean anything when, whenever Caduceus places a hand on his shoulder, grip soft but reassuring, warmth blooms in his chest and spreads through him like vines?</p><p>He stays quiet about it as long as he can, which is not much considering how his hands shake as they grab the handmade symbol of Melora from Caduceus’ own hands. He gets teary-eyed and his vision is almost too blurry to make out the algae spiraling around the anchor; he can’t bear how <em>thoughtful</em> it is from Caduceus to include his life-long love into the symbol his newfound path. He puts it on the bedside table as carefully as he can before turning to Caduceus and feeling the warmth, the <em>love</em> in him rising like a tide.</p><p>Fjord steps closer to Caduceus, looking up at him only to see his eyes bright in the dim light of the candles around the inn room, his smile broad and proud and caring in a way that has never been directed at him before. <em>Now is as good a time as any,</em> he thinks as he wraps a hand on the back of Caduceus’ neck, feeling the silk-soft pastel pink strands of hair tangle between his fingers, and pulls him down into a kiss. Caduceus gasps, still for a moment before placing a hand on Fjord’s face, the other on his waist, and kissing back. </p><p>He’s clearly inexperienced and, for a moment, Fjord feels guilty of taking this from him but his enthusiasm is undeniable in the way he tries to copy Fjord’s movements and pays attention to what makes his grip on Caduceus’ neck tighten, what makes him sigh and gasp and smile into their kiss. When they pull apart, Caduceus’ breathing is heavy and Fjord has to look, see if he looks like he does on his dreams, and his own breath hitches as he realises reality is <em>infinitely</em> better than anything his mind could’ve made up.</p>
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